hirikosaunders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hirikosaunders) wrote2006-04-09 04:34 pm
hirikosaunders) wrote2006-04-09 04:34 pm
Entry tags:
Feeling......
I promised not to use this journal to vent, at least too much, however there are some things that I think it would do me some good to get off of my chest, hoping that maybe doing this will help me kind of keep things in perspective. I'm involved in something and almost from the beginning I have felt not very wanted there, in fact things keep coming up almost monthly that make me wonder what I'm doing it all for. It's supposed to be fun, and perhaps a way to learn, and yet I've spent so much time not really sure if it's worth it and trying to figure out how much of it is my fault, my failing, and how much I should stand up for myself.
Another occurrence this weekend has just made me emotionally so raw it's not even funny. I know I should not take things so personally, or let things get to me, but it is very difficult sometimes to do. I do not want to give up on it, and yet it is more of a struggle than a joy most of the time. And this most recent event has made me doubt other aspects of my life. I've kept things in because this is a personal thing, and honestly I wonder if it is just my perception of what is happening.
I am dong my best to remain calm and in control, which is why I'm posting this here so that I can get some of this out and maybe put my thoughts into words so that I can look at it and maybe not let it build up. Also, by looking at what I've written maybe I can take a step back and get a different perspective. It's nobody's job to babysit me so since this is a personal issue then I must deal with it myself. This all being said I really wish I felt more comfortable going to people and talking this out. That's just not who I am though. Confrontation isn't me. I avoid it at all costs in fact, and I'm afraid that it would come to something like that with my emotions being in the state they are.
I guess that's it for now.....hopefully no more venting will take place and more writing *grins* which I promise to concentrate on as soon as possible.
Another occurrence this weekend has just made me emotionally so raw it's not even funny. I know I should not take things so personally, or let things get to me, but it is very difficult sometimes to do. I do not want to give up on it, and yet it is more of a struggle than a joy most of the time. And this most recent event has made me doubt other aspects of my life. I've kept things in because this is a personal thing, and honestly I wonder if it is just my perception of what is happening.
I am dong my best to remain calm and in control, which is why I'm posting this here so that I can get some of this out and maybe put my thoughts into words so that I can look at it and maybe not let it build up. Also, by looking at what I've written maybe I can take a step back and get a different perspective. It's nobody's job to babysit me so since this is a personal issue then I must deal with it myself. This all being said I really wish I felt more comfortable going to people and talking this out. That's just not who I am though. Confrontation isn't me. I avoid it at all costs in fact, and I'm afraid that it would come to something like that with my emotions being in the state they are.
I guess that's it for now.....hopefully no more venting will take place and more writing *grins* which I promise to concentrate on as soon as possible.