hirikosaunders

Well July for the most part has sucked. There have been like maybe two bright spots. Anyway, still looking for a job and feeling useless and pretty helpless.

RP wise: I will be attempting to get out all of my pups in the games I am so that when my internet goes undependable after the 8th of August I won't have to worry about it. I should still be able to get on, but I'm planning for the worst at the moment.

Not much else to report. I am holding out what little hope I have left that August will be better than July and that by December/January I can begin accomplishing getting things properly settled.

Dear Roommates,

When I say I don't like something, and to my knowledge I am giving you as much money as possible to cover bills and I haven't even bought it yet, please do not try to make me feel stupid or pressure me to continue using a program that I don't like, have had issues with, simply because it is free. I know it may work just fine for you, and I know maybe the problem is me, but you know sometimes, 'I don't know, I just don't like it' is actually an acceptable response.

No love at the moment,
Me

Summary of the week: (sort of)

Monday/Tuesday: Pretty average all in all.
Wednesday: BAD. So bad in fact that I do not acknowledge that it even happened and do the whole fingers in ears, "Lalalala..can't hear you." type of thing. Anyway, moving on...
Thursday: Very good. I was ecstatic throughout the whole day. I went for a short walk to enjoy the warmth. And finally saw Blade: Trinity.
Friday: So far, so good. I am still destressing, but will be reading tonight and getting the homework thing under control so Yay.


I registered towards the first part of the month but haven't really collected it yet so here goes: GBU 480 (Business Strategy), MGT 330 (Small Business Management...I already know what I'll be doing for this class, so as long as I stay on top of it things should go smoothly), MKT 304 (Retailing), and finally MKT 310 (Personal Selling). I will be keeping it to four classes I think just to keep my sanity. Between the process of getting things ready to search for a job, and actually looking for a job, as well as working 20 hours a week I think this will be about all I can handle.

I just found out something that has reminded me why I maybe don't put myself out there as much online as I could.

My first experience meeting someone in real life that I knew online went horribly and now this.

I'm not as trusting as people think I am, or maybe as I want to be. Of course there are times when I can't help but be glad.

Sorry to be cryptic just needed to get this out there. I wasn't hurt as much as some people and I'm torn between shocked, sad and maybe just a little pissed off.

Well it looks as if the net won't be on at my place until Friday now, maybe later if things keep going the way they are. They can't seem to get anything done and it is frustrating me. I'm not going to vent here because a part of me more than understands wanting to do something the right way I am just growing very impatient.

So anyway, hopefully Friday but I am not holding my breath.


And happy belated birthday to andrealyn. I'm sorry I wasn't able to say anything sooner. I hope it was wonderful.

Well I've not even had my first class and needless to say it feels like it's going to be one of those days that you just should have stayed in bed.

My heat stopped working possibly sometime last night. It stayed around 70 degrees Fahrenheit until this morning. When I left it was about 61. The good news is that my landlord knows and is sending someone over either this afternoon or tomorrow. Bad news, if they don't come today tonight is supposed to be just as cold. This doesn't bode well.

Since I haven't updated in a while- midterms went relatively well. I got mostly As except one C, my music theory class. Basically it wasn't the best week for a test, but hopefully I can do better on the final.

I enjoyed a four day break which allowed me to do some rping and a lot of reading. It was very relaxing, though there's still quite a bit of stress alas. I suppose you can't help but wish they were longer really no matter what.


I guess that's it for now. Hopefully I will have an update that details the heat situation and maybe I can work on some icons this weekend.

I promised not to use this journal to vent, at least too much, however there are some things that I think it would do me some good to get off of my chest, hoping that maybe doing this will help me kind of keep things in perspective. I'm involved in something and almost from the beginning I have felt not very wanted there, in fact things keep coming up almost monthly that make me wonder what I'm doing it all for. It's supposed to be fun, and perhaps a way to learn, and yet I've spent so much time not really sure if it's worth it and trying to figure out how much of it is my fault, my failing, and how much I should stand up for myself.

Another occurrence this weekend has just made me emotionally so raw it's not even funny. I know I should not take things so personally, or let things get to me, but it is very difficult sometimes to do. I do not want to give up on it, and yet it is more of a struggle than a joy most of the time. And this most recent event has made me doubt other aspects of my life. I've kept things in because this is a personal thing, and honestly I wonder if it is just my perception of what is happening.

I am dong my best to remain calm and in control, which is why I'm posting this here so that I can get some of this out and maybe put my thoughts into words so that I can look at it and maybe not let it build up. Also, by looking at what I've written maybe I can take a step back and get a different perspective. It's nobody's job to babysit me so since this is a personal issue then I must deal with it myself. This all being said I really wish I felt more comfortable going to people and talking this out. That's just not who I am though. Confrontation isn't me. I avoid it at all costs in fact, and I'm afraid that it would come to something like that with my emotions being in the state they are.

I guess that's it for now.....hopefully no more venting will take place and more writing *grins* which I promise to concentrate on as soon as possible.