hirikosaunders (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hirikosaunders) wrote2006-10-27 01:43 pm
hirikosaunders) wrote2006-10-27 01:43 pm
That time of year, or something...
This has been a very tough month for me. I really can't even go into all of the ways for many reasons, some of them though have been very visible on this journal. (BTW: heat...still not on.) And because of that, and an upcoming birthday, I decided to try and sort through some things. So here I am evaluating pretty much the last few years, well sort of. However, I've having major trouble with it at this moment. *grins*
There are lots of things that I hope to accomplish, but lately it's felt like I can't do much of anything right. I still continue to pursue writing, but money seems to be a problem and stress is building up because I really don't feel like I'm ever going to get anywhere.
Actually on Monday I sent out all four of my short stories and contacted Playboy. They said they were backlogged but that I should hear from them. *whines about waiting*... Still there is so much uncertainty that I spend so much of my time frustrated, which does not improve creativity, at least for me. I am rping, which is good because it is an outlet and I've needed one for so long, but most of the time I just feel like a failure at it *shrugs*. I hope I've improved since I have only been doing this sort of rp for about a year.
On a better note I thought I would list things I am glad I have done.
1. Going back to school (both times). Even though my B.A. in English hasn't, as of yet, done much for me on the job thing I am so glad that I have it. I learned a lot from my time at Berea and don't, for the most part, regret any time I spent there.
2. Rping. I have learned a lot in the many years I have rping, though it would be difficult to put it into words. One thing as a writer that has been useful to me is learning about perceptions, and different perspectives and motivations. It helps to get out of your own head, even characters you've created, to think of how someone else might see a situation. Also having to take just sets of numbers and skills and make that into a person, personality, is sometimes very difficult but wondeful when it works.
3. Living on my own. I cannot say how much this type of freedom has meant to me, and how much I've been forced to grow up because of it. Even with all the money problems and the times I just didn't know what to do I at least knew that I was the one in control, when I had roommates we, and that made all the difference sometimes.
4. Loving music. People always joke that they rarely see me without some sort of music blaring in my ears, but music has gotten me through so much that I am not sure what I would be without it. I don't consider myself very strong, but music helps me find strength and moments of joy when I need them.
Well that is it. It's probably not as eloquent as I would like but hopefully getting it out will be good for me.
There are lots of things that I hope to accomplish, but lately it's felt like I can't do much of anything right. I still continue to pursue writing, but money seems to be a problem and stress is building up because I really don't feel like I'm ever going to get anywhere.
Actually on Monday I sent out all four of my short stories and contacted Playboy. They said they were backlogged but that I should hear from them. *whines about waiting*... Still there is so much uncertainty that I spend so much of my time frustrated, which does not improve creativity, at least for me. I am rping, which is good because it is an outlet and I've needed one for so long, but most of the time I just feel like a failure at it *shrugs*. I hope I've improved since I have only been doing this sort of rp for about a year.
On a better note I thought I would list things I am glad I have done.
1. Going back to school (both times). Even though my B.A. in English hasn't, as of yet, done much for me on the job thing I am so glad that I have it. I learned a lot from my time at Berea and don't, for the most part, regret any time I spent there.
2. Rping. I have learned a lot in the many years I have rping, though it would be difficult to put it into words. One thing as a writer that has been useful to me is learning about perceptions, and different perspectives and motivations. It helps to get out of your own head, even characters you've created, to think of how someone else might see a situation. Also having to take just sets of numbers and skills and make that into a person, personality, is sometimes very difficult but wondeful when it works.
3. Living on my own. I cannot say how much this type of freedom has meant to me, and how much I've been forced to grow up because of it. Even with all the money problems and the times I just didn't know what to do I at least knew that I was the one in control, when I had roommates we, and that made all the difference sometimes.
4. Loving music. People always joke that they rarely see me without some sort of music blaring in my ears, but music has gotten me through so much that I am not sure what I would be without it. I don't consider myself very strong, but music helps me find strength and moments of joy when I need them.
Well that is it. It's probably not as eloquent as I would like but hopefully getting it out will be good for me.